Annoying classmate 2.0, Co-worker

I you are ever in a situation where you are working in the same place as the annoying classmate, I feel for you. I am in that situation, and it sucks. It turns out he has some other horrible traits that may be common amongst annoying classmates in general.

The first is that he feels the need to put his input into any conversation that is going on, with either a correction, or what he thinks is an interesting fact or thought about the subject. It is never interesting, and his little chuckle at his own joke afterward drives me insane. No one else ever chuckles...everyone else is just looking at each other with pain in their eyes, all mentally shouting at each other "AHH, MAKE HIM SHUT UP". But most of us are too polite to actually say anything.

This brings me to the the next characteristic, he doesn't realize no one likes him. Perhaps it is just a defense mechanism, telling himself that he has friends, and that people enjoy his company. But regardless, the group has been throwing hints all the time, and he just never catches them. One time, a girl in the group openly told him, "shut up, no one likes you", and it was not in a kidding way. It was point blank serious, and he just brushed it off, like it was nothing, and continued acting as usual.

So what is the solution to this problem? Good question, very good question in fact, glad you asked. It is very tough, because if you do anything drastic, you could get reported to a manager (I have no doubt he would be a tattle tail), and also, it is a very socially awkward thing to do, telling someone no one enjoys his company. So here is my plan, and if it goes well, I will be sure to post about it:

Step one, invite him to happy hour, and say you have already invited everyone. Invite no one else. (Also, it is important you don't have a tab, just pay cash)

Step two, when he gets there, meet him, and say everyone bailed.

Step three, start up a conversation about what he thinks about the different people in the group. No doubt he will have something bad to say about at least a few of them, and start him down this path by laughing at some of them.

Step four, get REALLY offended by one of his remarks, and say you he were just laughing at the other ones to be nice, and you think he is a horrible person (throw in racist if you can). Say you don't want to hang out anymore.

Step five, when he tries to apologize, flip him the bird, and walk away. Because you don't have a tab, and he probably does, he can't chase after you. This leaves him in one of two states of mind. Either he wants to avoid you, because he now correctly thinks you hate him(in which case WIN), or he REALLY wants you to accept his apology.

Optional Step six, if the case is the latter of step five, whenever he starts a conversation with you, just walk away. And if he sits at your table, or goes where you are, just glare at him, and whisper something into the ear of the person next to you. He will think you are spreading the horrible thing he said, and want to leave before being questioned about it.

Well, not sure when I am going to try this, but wish me luck!

Greetings

Greetings have always been confusing to me. There are many situations where I am not sure how to greet someone, or even if I should greet them.

So I sit in an office with a guy, and when I get in, I usually mumble a "sup", and go to my chair. That is all well and good, but what happens when we are both in the hallway, and we pass each other? If it was anyone else I knew, I would greet them with a "hey", or wave, or even have a legitimate talk with them. But I have already greeted my office-mate, greeting him again seems wrong. And we can always just talk, and the other guy hears it, so we don't have any need to catch up in the hall. So we both end up looking away from each other, and quickly pass each other.

When I walk into a room of guys and girls that I know about half of, and they get introduced, I am not sure whether or not to go in for the handshake on all of them. If they present their hand I do, and if the president has been set I do, but if they are kinda far away, does the wave cut it? Does the first meeting of a person require physical contact? I say it does not, eye contact is enough to start a relationship.

Then there is the classic, almost the same as leaving situation. Walking into a room with a mix of guys and girls that you have not seen a a while. The girls almost always want a hug, while the guys usually go for a handshake, or variant of a handshake(like a fist bump, or a grab and tap). But if the first greeting is with a girl, and you hug, then the next greeting is a guy right next to her, and you know each other pretty well, there's a chance he goes in for an awkward hug. Now if that lands, you are in for it, everyone in the room is going to hug you, whether you like it or not, so I suggest saving a girl for last, so you don't end your greetings with an unwanted hug.

Ok, next situation, you are walking past a complete stranger, anywhere. I go for the, ignore their existence strategy. But this can lead you into trouble, if they greet you. When they say something like "good morning", you are obligated to respond somehow, but you are in ignore mode, so it usually ends with "yo", or something else really short and not heart felt.

Now here's a situation that doesn't come up as often as it used to. The phone. How do you greet people who you don't know on the phone? I usually just let them talk for a while, get an idea of why they called me, then either respond to them, or tell them i'm not interested in upgrading my phone plan, because I hate talking on phones!

Celebrity TV

So my mom likes to just put on the TV, then either not watch it by playing on her computer, or not watch it by talking on the phone in another room for hours. Well this leads to me background watching whatever is on. Today I experienced Ice Loves Coco.

This was a greatly baffling experience, how can people watch this? Why do people care about what random celebrities are doing in their personal life? Oh man, Ice T needs some "me" time, and his nephews are annoying him, this is sooo interesting! Now the dog is swimming, OMG I never could have seen that coming, what a TWIST!

Ok, time for random baseless conjecture. People who watch this are thinking, "oh, those people are just like us, but with more money, I could totally be them. They are real people with real problems". Now that only explains why they would watch one episode, because after that, they have already made this realization, and are no longer learning anything. So there must be something in the first episode they watch that hooks them. Something that makes them think, "I want to watch this again, I want to see more of their lives.

For some people, it is probably the hot chicks that inevitably show up. For others it might be a sick sort of pleasure from watching the pain of people better off than they are, they might think "it's nice to see that life isn't perfect for anyone, so my problems don't seem to unjustified". Another group might be reveling in just how stupid the people in the show are.

Well I know one thing for sure, I will never watch one of these shows by choice.

Treadmill

I was running on the treadmill in my apartment gym, and it started lightning-ing out. It then occurs to me, "what would happen if the power went out while I was running 8 mph?" Would I just barrel into the front of the treadmill as it suddenly stops moving from under me?

Perhaps.

How to misconstrue

When I say (type) "What's up with you?", how do you read it?

There are two main ways, the first is "What new things are happening in your life?"(usually as a follow up to the received what's up question) , and the second is "Why are you acting unusually?"

Now I usually assume that the person I type it to knows which one I'm talking about, but there is always that little hesitation where I think, what if they interpret it wrong, I'm gonna look weird and get a confused response. So I think about rephrasing, but then the rephrase doesn't sound natural and cool, so I leave it, and hope.

Now its been done to death, but I will again mention sarcasm. It's SOOO easy to misconstrue sarcasm in typed form. It's AWESOME! You can say anything, and have it NOT understood! It is my LEAST favorite part of the internet! I try to use it ALL the time, in every possible way just to exacerbate the AWESOMENESS!!!

Apartment Gym

I have recently started going to the gym in my apartment complex. This is a very strange situation, because the social interactions are very hindered.

First, a lot of people(including me) tend to use the treadmill heavily. While on the treadmill, there is no real way to talk to anyone, or for anyone to talk to you. Even if you are not listening to headphones, the sound of your running plus the aura of concentration make you unapproachable. The only chance for a real interaction is if two people happen to exit the treadmill at about the same time, or perhaps if they are using adjacent machines. But in the latter situation, there is still the aura of concentration.

So even in a room filled with people, there is almost no social interaction.

There do seem to be a few exceptions, first is the occasional 2 friends that came in together. They tend to chat a bit while using adjacent machines, or treadmills. Or once in a while, there is the dude who will talk to himself while working out...I tend to avoid that guy.

Reading vs Hearing

Reading a person's text, or email, or IM is very different from hearing their voice say the words. The first difference is that they tend to use different words in text form, because it is either easier to type it that way, or they have had time to look over what they are saying, and they edited it to make it sound better, and more like what they actually meant. I love the latter reason, because it means the person is really saying what they mean to say, not just talking as a quick response.
But that also puts some pressure on what you type, because once you send it, it can never be taken back, and there is evidence of its existence. When you say something really dumb online, you can be punished more for it, because you cannot just quickly change the subject, or re-iterate as easily as you can in verbal communication.
Another great reason text is different from talking is that you can choose to read the text any way you want. While the person might have meant the connotation to be one way, or not meant for something to sound a certain way, they really have no control over it. I can choose to make an incoherent text coherent by adding what I want to see, while its very hard to not hear a drunken slurr in face to face talking.