Monday, August 29, 2011

Annoying classmate 2.0, Co-worker

I you are ever in a situation where you are working in the same place as the annoying classmate, I feel for you. I am in that situation, and it sucks. It turns out he has some other horrible traits that may be common amongst annoying classmates in general.
The first is that he feels the need to put his input into any conversation that is going on, with either a correction, or what he thinks is an interesting fact or thought about the subject. It is never interesting, and his little chuckle at his own joke afterward drives me insane. No one else ever chuckles...everyone else is just looking at each other with pain in their eyes, all mentally shouting at each other "AHH, MAKE HIM SHUT UP". But most of us are too polite to actually say anything.
This brings me to the the next characteristic, he doesn't realize no one likes him. Perhaps it is just a defense mechanism, telling himself that he has friends, and that people enjoy his company. But regardless, the group has been throwing hints all the time, and he just never catches them. One time, a girl in the group openly told him, "shut up, no one likes you", and it was not in a kidding way. It was point blank serious, and he just brushed it off, like it was nothing, and continued acting as usual.
So what is the solution to this problem? Good question, very good question in fact, glad you asked. It is very tough, because if you do anything drastic, you could get reported to a manager (I have no doubt he would be a tattle tail), and also, it is a very socially awkward thing to do, telling someone no one enjoys his company. So here is my plan, and if it goes well, I will be sure to post about it:
Step one, invite him to happy hour, and say you have already invited everyone. Invite no one else. (Also, it is important you don't have a tab, just pay cash)
Step two, when he gets there, meet him, and say everyone bailed.
Step three, start up a conversation about what he thinks about the different people in the group. No doubt he will have something bad to say about at least a few of them, and start him down this path by laughing at some of them.
Step four, get REALLY offended by one of his remarks, and say you he were just laughing at the other ones to be nice, and you think he is a horrible person (throw in racist if you can). Say you don't want to hang out anymore.
Step five, when he tries to apologize, flip him the bird, and walk away. Because you don't have a tab, and he probably does, he can't chase after you. This leaves him in one of two states of mind. Either he wants to avoid you, because he now correctly thinks you hate him(in which case WIN), or he REALLY wants you to accept his apology.
Optional Step six, if the case is the latter of step five, whenever he starts a conversation with you, just walk away. And if he sits at your table, or goes where you are, just glare at him, and whisper something into the ear of the person next to you. He will think you are spreading the horrible thing he said, and want to leave before being questioned about it.

Well, not sure when I am going to try this, but wish me luck!

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